For People Who Care WAY Too Much:

A Guide to Not Giving a Shit

Dear fellow persons who care,

you are wasting your damn time. Not to be negative, but if you are like me, you will jump off a cliff to help someone else and they will literally take a huge dump on your face. OK, not literally. That's disgusting. But it will be bad. And why? Because you just tried way too damn hard. You cared. BIG MISTAKE.

Now, that doesn't mean you walk up to your boyfriend, give him the finger, and say "S my D" for no good reason. By all means, care about people that you know care about you. But when those people you're not so sure about start taking a turn toward Crazytown, please do not try to accommodate their crazy asses by taking the trip with them. I promise you, they are not worth it. 

My point is, there are people who no matter how many times they say they care about you and how important you are to them and how you're like family, they don't. How do I know? Cause the second you do or say something that might be the slightest bit controversial to them (meaning it may mess up their imaginary perfect life), they will kick you to the curb faster than you can say "giant pooping elephants."

I do admire these people in some way, because they just don't give a shit. They put on a great show but they couldn't care less about you. And that is what I need to become. The non-giver of shit... Wait, that's not right. The non-shit giver? OK I just really don't want to care about and waste my time on people that do not give a shit about me. 

So here are the guidelines:

1. Be selfish.

This is important because you don't want to waste your time helping out people and putting their priorities before yours. Cause remember, they won't do the same for you. 

2. Go with your gut.

This is one I've forgotten many times. I don't care how many times your pseudo friends beg you to help them out, if it seems like a bad idea or it's not in your best interest, DON'T DO IT. It may seem like making your "friend" happy is the best thing to do, but trust me, it's not. They will forget you did anything for them later on.  And remember rule number 1: BE SELFISH. 

3. Maintain distance

From my experience, these fake people tend to use us "carers" to help them. They might be there for you a few times, but I promise you that when you hit rock bottom, they will not only refuse to get involved at that point, but they will cast you off like a leper in fear that you might bring them down with you. That is not a friend and ditch those bitches fast.

4. Stop caring if people don't like you

Unfortunately for us, we also care way too much about what people think of us. Here's some advice: when someone says "Hey, you are a crazy bitch," think to yourself, "hmmm... am I crazy bitch?" If the answer is no, MOVE ON. You do not need to explain to someone how un-crazy you are. If they think that, then obviously they are the ones out of their minds and no more time should be wasted on them. The truth is that everyone gets a little crazy when things don't go how we want them to. 

This is now one of my new favorites: 

“Lunatics are similar to designated hitters. Often an entire family is crazy, but since an entire family can't go into the hospital, one person is designated as crazy and goes inside. Then, depending on how the rest of the family is feeling that person is kept inside or snatched out, to prove something about the family's mental health.” 

-Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted 

Now here's the tricky part: how can you tell a real friend from a fake ass bitch who's gonna use your friendship to further her priorities? Well you can't tell always. Because people change. A person who used to be an awesome friend can meet a guy and turn into your worst nightmare. The trick is knowing when this change is happening and getting out. I know all you other caring people out there. When people start changing for the worst, you try desperately to bring them back to reality. It's a waste of time. Sorry to be a pessimist. But the good news is there are plenty of loyal friends and family out there that wouldn't change for the world. Know who they are and put your love and faith into them. Instead of wasting your energy on people who don't care, put it into the ones who do. Sounds corny but it's the truth.

Next time I post I'll write something on the lighter side and not such Debbie Downer stories. 

Please feel free to comment suggestions or advice. Whether you're a carer trying not to care or you just don't give a f___, it's good to get other perspectives.

Alyssa Anne

Giant Pooping Elephants

When D isn't here, I start thinking, and that is not a good thing. Why is it that when we're left alone with our own thoughts, they tend to go straight for the giant elephant in the room you've been dodging? I guess cause it's a giant elephant that can't be avoided. A friend once told me that there are two types of people in the world: the people who avoid the elephant and the people that scare the crap out of the avoiders by shouting "HOLY CRAP! There's a huge elephant that's about to take a BIG dump on our party!" The people who point out the obvious do so thinking that the avoiders will say "Oh thank goodness you said something! We've got to get that elephant out of here before it poops on everything!" The truth is, they rarely do. Usually they are angered and if they do say thanks, it's a sarcastic one along the lines of "thanks for ruining our good time."

One day, someone needs to explain the avoiders to me. Why wouldn't you want to address the elephant situation before it craps on our parade? In the past several months I've realized over and over again that these are the two types of people the exist. I understand why the people point out the elephant because that is who I am as a person. But for some reason, I still can't understand why the avoiders get angry about it.

What I've come to understand is that avoiders will avoid EVERYTHING that may negatively effect them. Which means that when the elephant does decide to crap on the party, they are certainly not going to volunteer to clean up the poop. They simply step over it and hope it goes away. Which leaves the rest of us, left behind with our burning nostrils, trying to clean up the shit.

Oh do I hate giant pooping elephants.